


Pharmacodynamics

by cole_lit



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, and cheesy pick up lines, and how everyone is a shipper, doctor!percy, expect medical jargon, pharmacist!annabeth, self-indulgent fic, trigger warning: death (children), wow just realized on how unprofessional they are generally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7694962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cole_lit/pseuds/cole_lit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>is defined as what the drug does to the body. (Or twenty times Doctor Percy Jackson calls the Drug Information Services, aka the domain of pharmacist Annabeth Chase.) Hospital AU. Dialogue-only story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Good morning, this is the Drug Information Services. Malcolm speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hey, Malcolm!"

"Oh, it's you, Jackson. Let me get Annabeth."

"That's Doctor Jackson to you, Pace. I thought you guys were supposed to be polite and professional?"

"And I thought you graduated from med school, which meant that you had _some_ basic knowledge about pharmacology. Yet, you call us everyday."

"Wow, that's kinda harsh, Wise Girl. Besides, pharmacology was _hard_!"

"I'm a pharmacist, Seaweed Brain. And so is everyone in this room. Do you think we don't know that?"

"Yeah. But it's kinda your thing though. Being drug experts and all."

"Percy. Why did you call in the first place?"

"Oh, yeah. RIPE or RIPES for primary complex?"

"Is it the susceptible strain?"

"Lab tests indicate so."

"Use RIPE. Streptomycin is now a second-line agent anyway."

"Awesome. Thanks, Annabeth. And hey -"

"No."

"Aww. But you haven't even heard of it yet."

"If it's another one of those horrible pick up lines you and Leo make up during your free time -"

"What free time? There's a primary complex outbreak right now because some asshole of a teacher decided to go to school with TB -"

"- Then I don't want to hear it. Besides, it's probably crude and immature anyway."

"...Huh. So it is. Anyway, thanks again!"

**. . .**

"Good afternoon, this is the Drug Information Services. Malcolm speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hey-"

"Wait a moment."

"What? Malcolm?"

"Not Malcolm. Annabeth here."

"Hey Annabeth. Where did Malcolm go?"

"He's right here. Do you need him for anything?"

"Uh, I just want to ask what else is contraindicated with doxycycline other than milk and antacids?"

"Add iron supplements to the list. I'll call you back in a few minutes to check for more contraindications. What other medicines are you giving the patient?"

"None. ...Wait. _You don't know?_ "

"What don't I know?"

"You don't know all the contraindications of doxycycline!"

"Well, of course I don't! I'm not a walking drug reference!"

"Except for the part that you kinda are. But seriously, usually you'd tell me the answers in five minutes or less."

"Because that's the protocol here. Simple questions should be answered in five minutes or less. Harder questions should be answered before the end of our shift."

"How do you classify simple questions?"

"You know, common ones like route of administration, common adverse reactions, drugs of choice or current therapies, you know, the usual things."

"And harder ones are?"

"Sometimes computations, but not often. Interactions and contraindications usually take a lot of time."

"Huh, I'll keep that in mind. Anyway, thanks!"

"I'll call you in a bit."

"Sure, I'll be waiting in the pedia ward for your call!"

**. . .**

"Hi! This is the Drug Information Services and Silena speaking!"

"Hi Silena, is -"

" _Annabeth! Your boyfriend is on the phone!_ "

"Boyfriend? When did I become your boyfriend?"

"Either boyfriend or boytoy. Pick your poison."

"I'd rather pick you."

"...Seaweed Brain. This is why they think we're dating. You should stop using your horrible pick up lines on me."

"Who else would I use them on? My _mom_? _My baby sister_?"

"Your fanclub?"

"But I don't want them to get the wrong idea!"

"And you think I wouldn't get the wrong idea when you use your cheesy lines on me?"

"You're Annabeth Chase! You'd never get the wrong idea!"

"You can stop laughing now. Besides, why did you call anyway?"

"Uh...insulin? IM or IV?

"For?"

"...Diabetes?"

" _Perseus Jackson._ "

"...I heard that you were having a bad day and I just wanted to check up on you."

"By making up a stupid question?"

"Uh, was I that obvious?"

"Yes."

"Oops."

"You don't sound very sorry."

"Well, you don't so sad anymore. So I'm not sorry."

"Percy..."

"Hey, I have a patient to attend to, so have a nice day, okay?"

"Yeah. You too."

**. . .**

"This is the Drug Information Services. Katie speaking, how may I help you?"

" _Katie_? What are you doing there? I thought you're stationed in the CENICU?"

"I needed to get something from the main pharmacy, and since the DIS was along the way, I might as well double check something. By the way, is this Doc Percy?"

"It is. How did you know?"

"Doc, everyone knows you call here everyday. You want me to get Annabeth for you?"

"Anyone from the DIS is fine. Just need to double check something."

"Wait, I'll the give the phone to Annabeth."

"...Wise Girl? I just - is that squealing I hear?"

"No. It. Is. Not. _Shut up_."

"Uh, I'm not saying anything?"

"Not you, Seaweed Brain. Anyway, your question?"

"The newest newsletter says that tobramycin is used for bacterial conjunctivitis. Why not use broad spectrum antibiotics?"

"Recent epidemiological studies show that it's usually the gram-negative strain that cause bacterial conjunctivitis. It's all in the newsletter. Did you not read the newsletter?"

"Haven't had time to read it between the MRSA outbreak and the hysterical mother who thinks her son's gonna die from sore eyes."

"You're joking. ...You're not joking, I can hear her hysterics over the screaming in here."

"Yeah... She's a new mother and her son hasn't stopped crying."

"I see."

"Anyway, thanks for the info. Gotta go, Wise Girl!"

**. . .**

"Uh, good morning...? This is the Drug Information Services?"

"Good morning to you, too. By the way, you forgot to introduce yourself and offer your help."

"Oh, sorry. I, um, I'm Lacy. How may I help you?"

"Better! But you need to be more confident, Lacy! People call you guys in the DIS because they need help. If you don't sound sure about what you're saying, how can they be sure that you're saying the right thing? And in our line of business, we always have to sound sure and confident, even if we are not."

"Doesn't that mean that we're lying to them?"

" _No_. I would _never_ condone lying to the patient or their families, nor offering false reassurances. But sounding confident means that you're offering strength in their time of weakness. No matter what you feel, you have to put the patients' comfort first."

"Do patients call here too?"

"They do. But usually it's doctors and nurses and other health professionals who need verification about drugs."

"Eep. But I'm just an intern. Why would people look to me for answers?"

"Because you're a _pharmacist_ intern, which makes you an expert on drugs. That's why we ask you guys."

"...our? _Wait_. You mean you're a doctor? _Omigosh_. Are you _Doctor Jackson_? I, uh, wait a moment."

"Lacy? What's wrong?"

"That's what I was supposed to ask you. What did you do to my intern, Seaweed Brain?"

"Nothing! I was just talking to her, telling her to sound more confident because she's the one we look for information and it sounds kinda dubious if she sounds unsure of what she's saying."

"Percy, why are you lecturing my intern on how to answer calls?"

"I wasn't lecturing her. Just giving her advice. Why did she give the phone to you?"

"I have no idea. Give me a moment. ...Well, apparently Silena and Malcolm told her that if you're on the phone, she should pass the phone to me."

"Really? It's a policy in the DIS now?"

"No. Because I say so."

"Sure, Supreme Overlord. Hey, Wise Girl, can you give the phone back to Lacy?"

"Why?"

"Is that jealousy I hear?"

"No, what you hear is distrust because I do not trust you not to corrupt my intern, Jackson."

"Relax, I'm just going to ask her a simple question. To build up her confidence."

"What's your question?"

"What?"

"What's your question so that I know how to help her when she searches for answers."

"I think I'm gonna ask her about the pedia dose for tetracycline."

"Okay, sounds fairly simple enough. Age?"

"Seven."

" _Percy_."

"I know tetracylcine is not for kids, Wise Girl. Cut me some slack. I'm not gonna give it to anyone, just wanna practice her answering skills."

"Okay then."

"Hey, Wise Girl?"

"What, Seaweed Brain?"

"You must not be an apple."

"What?"

"Because you're not keeping me away."

"I thought you and Leo were too busy to with the outbreak to think up of stupid pick up lines."

"I'm never too busy to think of lines that make you laugh, Wise Girl."


	2. Chapter 2

_warnings: medication errors and cussing._

_**. . .** _

"Good morning, this is the Drug Information Services. Malcolm speaking. How may I help you?"

"Malcolm, is something wrong with the vancomycin?"

"...Percy?"

"Malcolm. _Please_. I need to know because there are kids with red man's syndrome and we don't know why, so-"

"I'm passing the phone to Annabeth, so just-"

" _Malcolm!_ The fuck, man! I need _answers_ , not Annabeth!"

"Not even if Annabeth has the answers you're looking for?"

"Shit. Seriously, Annabeth? You are my heroine!"

"A pun? Now of all times?"

"What?"

"Heroine? Heroin?"

"What? _Fuck that_. The kids are getting red man's syndrome and no one knows why."

"Okay then. Give me the details about their dosing regimen."

"We give them 10 mg/kg every six hours, IV."

"Okay. So how long do you administer it to them?

"Flow rate is 10 mg/mL."

"So how long does it take to finish?"

"It differs from patient to patient-"

"Does it take more than an hour?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so."

"Percy, that's too fast. Each dose should be administered over a period of more than 60 minutes."

"... _Shit_."

"Relax -"

" _Relax!?_ How can I relax when we're basically overdosing the kids! Fuck, Annabeth. They could have _died_!"

"No, they wouldn't have died from an allergic reaction."

"They could have had an anaphylactic shock!"

"But they haven't-"

"But _they could have_!"

" _Shut up_ , Perseus Jackson, and listen to me. Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, you're a doctor and you can't afford to make a mistake because it's people's lives at risk. _Children's lives_ at risk, which gives you even less leeway to make mistakes. But you're also human, Percy, and you _will_ make mistakes no matter how good you are. And don't you dare think that you're a bad doctor, you're one of the best pediatricians in this hospital. In fact, everyone agrees that you should be head pediatrician, if Zeus gets his head out of his ass because that's how good you are."

"But, Annabeth..."

"No buts! You made a mistake! Now live with it and move on and _fix it_. Give the kids diphenhydramine and discontinue the vancomycin until the symptoms are gone. Then restart the regimen with the correct flow rate."

"What am I going without you, Annabeth?"

"You're gonna panic like a headless chicken then get your shit together and fix your mistake because you care too much about your patients to leave them suffering for too long. We just skipped over the panicking like a headless chicken part."

"I, thanks Annabeth. You're really my heroin."

"Was that _a pun_ , Seaweed Brain?"

"Huh, look at the time. Gotta fix my mistake now! Thanks, Wise Girl!"

**. . .**

"Good day. Drug Information Services. Annabeth speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hey, Wise Girl!"

"Seaweed Brain."

"Wow, your enthusiasm is deafening. But anyway, what are the side-effects of -"

"Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea."

"...Really?"

"What?"

"You didn't even know what drug I'm going to ask and you were already giving me side-effects."

"Those three are the most common side-effects for most, if not all, drugs."

"Even acetaminophen?"

"Well, no. Acetaminophen has little to no side-effects when taken at therapeutic doses. But you should know that by now."

"Yeah, just..."

"Stop being stupid, Seaweed Brain. I know I told you you will make mistakes, but that doesn't mean that you'll _always_ make a mistake."

"I just..."

"You're worried, I get that. What I don't understand is that you think one mistake makes you any less of a great pediatrician than you really are."

"But Annabeth..."

"I've already told you how you're one of the best, if not _the_ best, pediatrician in this hospital. Now stop fishing for compliments and get back to your patients."

"Right, okay. ...I may be one of the best pediatricians, but you're _the best_ , Annabeth."

**. . .**

"Good day. Drug Information Service. Annabeth speaking, how may I help you?"

"So, Wise Girl, can you give me the possible interactions between azithromycin, albuterol, and Advair?"

" _Fuck you_ , Jackson."

"Wow, that's kinda harsh, Wise Girl."

"You're calling at four in the afternoon. We only have thirty minutes to prepare your answer. Do you have any idea how difficult it will be to find the all the possible interactions. _Especially_ in special populations like children?"

"Yeah. That's why I'm calling you guys."

"I hate you."

"But you offered to fuck me."

"Hate-fuck is what you're getting."

"Uh, Annabeth, is it me or is there squealing in the background?"

"Just, ugh, I'll call you when we have the answer. Pedia ward?"

"Pedia ward."

"Good -"

**. . .**

"Vitamin C OD. Any and all info. _Stat_."

"Excuse me, who are you and why are you terrifying my intern?"

"Annabeth. Vitamin C OD. Signs, symptoms, everything. Stat."

"Perseus Jackson. Just because you're angry does not mean you have the right to treat me or anyone from my office like an asshole."

"...Yeah. You're right."

"Of course I'm right."

"I'm sorry. I'm just..."

"Angry?"

" _Furious_. Usually, I enjoy it when parents take time to study on how to be good parents because all I want is the best for the children, you know."

"I know. That's why you're a pediatrician."

"But, sometimes they just study the wrong thing, like the anti-vaccine shit. Or about not being able to OD on vitamin C. And that's just. _Bullshit_."

"So, megadosers, huh?"

" _Fuck, yes_. Just because it's water-soluble and so it doesn't build up in the body doesn't mean that there are no side-effects."

"They think that there are no side-effects because the symptoms develop overtime through chronic use, or misuse in this case. Give me a few minutes to compile and print my information so that it will be easier for them to swallow."

"I hope they would choke on it."

" _Seaweed Brain_!"

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't really mean it, I'm just..."

"Furious. I know. And then in a few minutes, you'd practically be begging for forgiveness for your thoughts and actions."

"Shit. I'm a horrible doctor."

"You're an angry human being. As long as you don't treat them badly - _Did you?_ "

" _Of course not!_ I'm a professional!"

"Except to my intern, Jackson."

"Shit. Tell Lacy I'm so sorry for snapping at her like that."

"Tell her yourself, I'll bring her with me."

"I'll grovel at her feet, begging for her forgiveness."

"Good. We'll be in your clinic in a few minutes."

**. . .**

"Hi! This is the Drug Information Services and Silena speaking!"

"Hey! Wait, before you pass the phone to Annabeth, Beckendorf wants to say that he's sorry he can't make it tonight and he will make it up to you, he promised."

"Is Charlie all right?"

"A bit swamped with the paperwork because of the change in protocols, but he's gonna be fine. Me and Leo are gonna drag him to that Mexican place across the street before he starves to death."

"If he's being stubborn, tell him you're going to that Korean place. He'll even drag the two of you instead of the other way around. He likes sweet and spicy."

"Like you?"

"... _Annabeth! Your boyfriend is cheating on you with me!_ "

"Wise Girl! Tell Silena to stop screaming on the phone. And it's not flirting if it's true! And I invested a lot in their relationship to want to break them up."

"You bet on them?"

"Puh-lease, everyone bets on them."

" _Bets?_ "

"Yeah, we've still got a few running, like when will Silena get pregnant. When will Beckendorf finally pop the question. Will he ask permission from Clarisse before he does. Will he have to fight to the death to ask Silena's hand in marriage. When-"

"Okay, I get it. Do you think they're betting on us too?"

" _Obviously_. The real question is, who can be my proxy so I can win."

"Have you tried Grover? Leo?"

"Grover refuses to bet on us actually. He's already lost too much money. Leo's too obvious to be my proxy so I can't choose him."

"What about - Why did you call in the first place, Seaweed Brain?"

"Ah, I just wanted to tell you that you're the sunlight to my vitamin D!"

"What?"

"I'm useless without you."

"Percy, I'm serious."

"And so am I. I don't think I've thanked you enough for helping me out the other day."

"You're welcome. So what's your question for the day?"

"Nope. No questions. Just passing a message to Silena and thanking you. And Lacy, don't forget to pass my thanks to Lacy as well."

"Percy, I'm sure you should know by now that you're supposed to call the DIS if you have an important inquiry about drugs."

"Sure, Annabeth. I'll keep that in mind."


	3. Chapter 3

_**warnings: mentions death** _

**_. . ._ **

"Good morning, this is the Drug Information Services. Malcolm speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hey, Malcolm!"

"Seaweed Brain."

"Wow, rude much. He didn't even tell me he was going to pass the phone to you. _Wise girl!_ One of your underlings is being rude and unprofessional! Doesn't that go against your code in the DIS or something?"

"They've also mutinied against me and revised the code so that anytime you're on the phone, they could pass the phone to me."

"A _mutiny_? _Against you_? I bet it was Silena who led the charge."

"It was Malcolm, actually."

"Your deputy? Huh. What's next? He would take over your throne as the Supreme Overlord of the DIS?"

"Let him try."

"Before you guys can fight for your throne, I gotta ask something."

"Go ahead."

"I need the dose of sildenafil-"

"Why would you need the blue pill?!"

"No, I- What's with the screaming? Is there something happening there? Wise Girl? _Annabeth?_ "

" _Why do you have a problem with getting it up?!_ Not that there's anything wrong with people with erectile dysfunction... Or do you need that extra boost for when you and Annabeth finally get your act together?"

"I, uh. Wha- _Silena_? Where did Annabeth go?"

"I'm right here, Seaweed Brain. Thanks for causing a commotion here, by the way."

"No problem...? But seriously, I need the dose of sildenafil for a four-month old girl with portopulmonary hypertension."

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

" _I would have_ if Silena didn't take the phone from you."

"Stop whining, Seaweed Brain. Let me find a few references for that."

"Take your time. And before the news spreads becasue everyone is such a gossip-"

"You're one to talk."

"Tell them I never have a problem getting up for the right person, if you know what I mean."

"Omigosh, _Percy_! Shut up. I'll call you later."

**. . .**

"Good day-"

"Antidote for lye poisoning. Ingested. Stat."

"Percy? Where are you now?"

"E.R. Annabeth, _please_."

"Give me a moment."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet."

**. . .**

"Good afternoon. This is the Drug Information Services. Lacy speaking, how may I help you?"

"...Lacy. Tell Annabeth it's too late. And thanks anyway."

"Doc? I'm passing the phone to Annabeth so you can tell her yourself."

"Anna- _Annabeth_?"

"Percy?"

"I'm too late. He... he didn't make it."

"...I'm sorry, Percy. It's my fault for being too slow."

" _No!_ It's not your fault! I'm the one who failed!"

"If it's not my fault, then it's not yours either."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Didn't you just tell me that I never get the wrong idea. That I'm always right?"

"Of course you are."

"Then are you telling me I'm wrong _now_?"

"...No."

"Good. It's either both our faults or neither our faults. You understand?"

"I just... He's just a kid, Annabeth. Eight and a half. He has his whole life ahead of him. And now... he doesn't."

"I know, Percy."

" _Fuck it_."

"...Where are you now?"

"In Grover's clinic. Why?"

"Don't go anywhere. I'll be there in a minute."

**. . .**

"Hi! This is the Drug Information Services and Silena speaking!"

"Silena? Annabeth told me to call here. Is she there?"

"I am now, Seaweed Brain."

"What's wrong? What happened? You never told me to call the DIS before."

"Nothing happened. It's just... Are you a doctor?"

"Uh, yeah. I am...? But you already know this, Wise Girl. _Everyone_ knows this."

"Well... _Darn it_."

"Annabeth?"

"Why are all the doctor pick-up lines crude and sexist?"

"Were you going to use a pick-up line on me?"

"I was. Except there are no good ones."

"I know right! That's why Leo and I make up our own lines."

"I can't believe you actually put effort into making up your cheesy pick-up lines."

"Hey, it's hard work to create those pick-up lines! Why were you looking for pick-up lines anyway?"

"You were having a bad day. Week."

"And you thought a pick-up line would make my day?"

"...Yes."

"Thanks, Wise Girl. But for the record, it's _you_ who makes my day."

**. . .**

"Good morning, this is the Drug Information Services. Malcolm speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hi. Is Annabeth Chase there?"

"Why do you need Annabeth Chase?"

"You see, I've got something to ask from her."

"Just becuase Annabeth is the head of the Drug Information Services doesn't mean that we're any less competent in answering your query."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend. It's just, my attending told me to call Annabeth."

"And who's your attending? Wait, stupid question. Let me guess, is your attending doctor Percy Jackson?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Should have known. Give me a moment, Frank, I'll put Annabeth on the phone."

"I, uh, how did you know my name?"

"Frank Zhang? This is Annabeth speaking. As for your question, everyone knows who you are since you're Percy's resident. And in case you haven't noticed, he's kind of famous around here."

"Kind of doesn't even cover it. ...He has a fan club?"

"He has a fan club."

"I, _wow_..."

"So, your question?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Doc is asking how much phototherapy is needed for jaundice."

"How old is the patient?"

"Uh, newborn. Just a few hours old? Born premature though."

"Newborns with jaundice is pretty normal. But you can double check with the labs on her bilirubin levels to make sure they aren't too high."

"And how high is 'too high'?"

"I'll have to double-check my references, but you can also ask the lab. Ask for Hazel, she specializes in this."

"Ask labs, look for Hazel. Got it, thanks."

"Where is Percy anyway?"

"The doc is in the maternity ward, after Doctor Thalia suddenly pulled him out of the pedia ward to help her out, I think?"

"Huh. Word of advice, after the crisis is over, don't get in their way. They're gonna fight over something stupid. _Again_."

"I, uh, but I'm supposed to follow him because he's my attending?"

"Trust me. You really don't want to get caught in the crossfire between those two. Jason learned that lesson long _long_ ago and he's got scars to prove it. You can ask Leo about it. He's the head nurse of the pedia ward and you can bunk with him until they're done fighting."

"Doesn't that go against protocol?"

"Only if you tell Chiron. Or if you're being nitpicky, you can hang out with Doctor Grover Underwood, he's another pediatrician and practically attached to Percy's hip."

"I see. Thanks, Ma'am."

"You're welcome, Frank. And good luck to you!"

"...Oh, I nearly forgot! The Doc wanted me to pass a message to you."

"Is it another one of his pick-up lines?"

"Uh, kind of? He said he's going to drop by later because you seemed to need a pick-me-up. Or a pick-up? Something like that."

"Ugh, that Seaweed Brain. Thanks for passing the message, Frank."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hi! This is the Drug Information Services and Silena speaking!"

"Hi! ... _Annabeth_?"

"Not even bothering to greet Silena, Seaweed Brain?"

"Hey, I would if she actually held onto the phone once she hears my voice. But more importantly, remember that I asked you to compute the KCl dose for one of my patients?"

"Of course I do. So you want to give your patient with hypokalemia-"

"What?"

" _What?_ "

"She _doesn't have_ hypokalemia, Annabeth."

"But you were asking for the KCl dose-"

"Because her potassium serum levels are too low for comfort and her new meds would induce diuresis so-"

"Why didn't you tell me this in the _earlier_?"

"I did tell you! I asked you to compute the oral KCl dose for hypokalemia _prevention_ -"

"But you forgot to tell me about the patient using diuretics!"

"Well, _you forgot_ that I asked you to compute for hypokalemia prevention, so we're even!"

" _No, we're not_! I, ugh, I nearly OD'd a kid, Percy."

"No, you didn't."

" _Yes, I did_! The dose for _treating_ hypokalemia and _preventing_ hypokalemia are drastically different and I was about to give you a dose that could have caused cardiac arrest to a kid, Percy! A kid who has her whole life ahead of her!"

"Annabeth, calm down!"

"I'm such a dumb blonde."

" _Woah!_ Wait, _what?!_ Dumb blonde? Where did you get that idea?"

"It's true! I mean, making a stupid mistake like that-"

"You made a mistake, yeah. But that doesn't make you a dumb blonde. There's no such thing as a dumb blonde."

"What are you talking about? It's one of the most prevalent stereotypes in media."

"Yeah, but Annabeth, all the blonds I'm surrounded with are brilliant and beautiful. Take Jason for example. That cousin of mine is the youngest neurosurgeon in this hospital that Hera can't fire him even though she hates his guts so much. Or Malcolm, your mutinous deputy in the DIS, who has the whole orange _and_ red books memorized. _Who even does that?_ Then there's Will, you know, Nico's boyfriend, who is also the _god_ of the E.R. And then there's _you_ , the most beautiful and brilliant of them all. So you see, no such thing as a dumb blonde."

"...You know you just called Jason brilliant and beautiful, right?"

"Meh. Piper won't mind. Nico would probably throw a fit though, thinking that I'm gonna steal his boyfriend or something."

"Would you?"

"Maybe? I mean, Will is _hot_."

"Really now, Seaweed Brain?"

"I mean, have you seen how he handles his patients? He's seriously sexy. That's probably why Nico practically jumped on Will when he was admitted into the E.R."

"You think dealing with patients is sexy?"

"I think being kickass at your job is sexy. And you, Annabeth Chase, kicks so much ass with your job."

"Percy..."

"Which is why I called, because we have to change the route of administration from oral to IV so you gotta recompute that for me, please?"

"Okay."

"I'll call you back, okay?"

"Okay."

"Thanks, Annabeth. You're the best, never forget that."

**. . .**

"Good morning, this is the Drug Information Services. Malcolm speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hey, Malcolm. Pass the phone to Annabeth, will you?"

"...She's not here."

"Bullshit."

"She's busy."

" _Bullshit._ "

"Percy-"

"If you don't give the phone to her right now, I'm going to the chief pharmacist and report your department."

"You hate Athena."

"More like Athena hates me, but I swear I'll go to her if you don't put Annabeth on the phone _now_."

"...What do you want, Seaweed Brain?"

"You didn't do the computations."

"Lacy needed the practice. But Malcom verified it, so it should be correct."

_"You didn't do the computations."_

"Yes, Percy. I didn't do the computations."

"Why?"

"Percy, I made such a stupid mistake. You really trust me to do computations?"

"Yes, you did. You made a mistake. _Too bad, so sad._ But humans will always make mistakes, no matter how good you are, remember? And you're _the best of the best_ \- and don't you dare argue with this about me because there's no way you can convince me otherwise - but you're also _only human_. So suck it up, you made a mistake and you know better than to make it again."

"Percy..."

"But to answer your question, I trust you. I'll always trust you because you and I? We're a team because providing the best possible healthcare is a _team effort_. So that if one of us makes a mistake, the others can catch it before it reaches the patient. Or remedy the mistake _if_ it does reach the patient."

"You and I, huh?"

"Against the world."

"I...Thanks, Percy."

"You're very welcome, Annabeth."

**. . .**

"Good day. Drug Information Services. Annabeth speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hey! I got a question."

"Don't you _always_ , Seaweed Brain?"

"Hey! I thought the DIS existed to answer questions?"

"It does. Fine, your question."

"Wait, did you just say that I'm right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't say I was wrong. So I must be _right_!"

"Seaweed Brain. Question?"

"Oh, right. Does our hospital have verapamil? 160 mg tablet?"

"Why would you need 160 mg for your patients? 40 mg is more than enough for pediatric patients with supraventricular tachycardia."

"It's not for them. It's for me."

" _What! Percy!_ Have you had a check-up with Piper for that? Do you have angina? Arrythmia? What happened? _How did this happen?_ "

"Well, I can't help it if my heart skips a beat when I hear your voice."

"...Perseus. Did you just use a pick up line on me?"

"Yup."

" _Why?_ "

"Because it makes you happy. Don't lie to me, I can hear you smiling."

"Seaweed Brain, you can't hear smiles."

"So? Doesn't mean I'm wrong."

"Do you really need verapamil?"

"Nah, I just need to know that you're happy."

**. . .**

"Hi! This is the Drug Information Services and Silena speaking!"

"Hi Silena!"

" _GUYS! GUYS! PERCABETH IS SAFE! Where have you been all this time, Perseus Jackson?_ "

"Ouch. ...What?"

"Where have you been? It's been three days since you last called! _Three whole days!_ "

"There was this out-of-town pediatrics convention I had to attend if I wanted to keep my fellowship. What happened?"

" _Why didn't you tell us!_ "

"I didn't think I had to?"

"Ugh! You're hopeless. Knock some sense into your Seaweed Brain of a boyfriend, Annabeth."

"Boyfriend? _Percabeth?_ "

"They think we're together."

"Everyone thinks that we're together. …So why aren't we?"

"Why aren't we what, Percy?"

"Why aren't we together, Annabeth. Like boyfriend-girlfriend?"

"For one, being your girlfriend sounds very immature seeing as I'm a grown woman. And two, we're not together because you haven't asked."

"So what? You want to be called lovers? Partners?"

"Really? That's what you're going to focus on?"

"Well, I was planning to ask you to be my girlfriend, but since you don't like that, then I want to know what you do want to be called."

"I thought we were already partners?"

"Then lover then? You really want me to ask you to be my lover when I go to the DIS later?"

"What?"

"Call me old school, but I won't ask you to be my, uh, special someone? Or whatever you want to be called, just over the phone."

"Just do away with the labels and ask me to be yours."

" _My Annabeth_. I like the sound of that."

"Sounds as good as _My Percy_."

"…It does. See you in a bit, Wise Girl."

"See you, Seaweed brain."

**. . .**

"Good morning. Drug Information Services."

"Hey! You sound new. Are you the new intern? Mitchell, right?"

"Uh, yeah. How did you know?"

"Annabeth told me about you. You mind passing the phone to her, please?"

" _You're Miss Chase's boyfriend!_ Just a moment, sir!"

" _Miss Chase's boyfriend._ What happened to being Doctor Jackson?"

"You got a better title."

"Can't argue with that. So, I gotta question for you."

"Don't you always?"

"True. So how do I know if I'm overdosing?"

"What drugs are you taking?"

"Your love."

"What?"

"Your love is my drug?"

"Did you just quote Ke$ha to me?"

"Uh. No?"

"Liar! I don't date liars!"

"But Annabeth! How am I going to survive the withdrawal if you break up with me?"

"Withdrawal?"

"Because I'm an addict and you're my opium!"

"Now I'm your drug?"

"Aren't you?"

"Okay, what's up with all the pick-up lines? Why did you call in the first place?"

"I can't help it. The lines come out naturally. And I called because I need to know if I'm being too much?"

"What?"

"Am I being too much of a bother to you? Too clingy? Should I stop calling the DIS every day?"

" _Percy, breathe_. ...Do you know the difference of a drug and a poison?"

"It's the dose, right? But what does that have to do with-"

"And remember when I asked you to pick your poison?"

"I chose you. I'll always choose _you_."

"You've already been overdosing on me all this time. And I don't mind."

"Said the opium to the addict."

**Author's Note:**

> random self-indulgent fic for fandom bingo by cwyscross. some explanations for medical jargon below. comment/message if you want more explanations. :3
> 
> \- dis = drug information services, where people can call to ask questions about drugs.  
> \- primary complex - tuberculosis/tb in kids that's not infectious.  
> \- ripe/ripes = standard tb treatment. means rifampicin, isoniazid, pyrazinamide, ethambutol. s=streptomycin, which is a second line agent according to some sources (which basically means internet and professors. i trust my profs about these kinds of things.)  
> \- insulin can be given via im (intramuscularly) or iv (intravenously) but only in the hospital under the supervision of health professionals.  
> \- cenicu = central intensive care unit. if the hospital is big enough, it has several icu, like nicu (neonatal) and such.  
> \- mrsa = methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus, a bacterial infection that is resistant to a lot of antibiotics. the treatment for this is vancomycin. :3 (so yeah, convo 5 and 6 are related.)  
> \- about vitamin d and sunlight, sunlight helps convert vitamin d to its more useful form, so if you don't get enough sunlight, there's no point in taking vitamin d supplements. so get some sunlight, you guys!  
> \- sildenafil is the generic name of viagra aka the blue pill. it's used to treat erectile dysfunction. (but we all know that percy doesn't have that.)  
> \- lye is a cleaning agent. it's sodium hydroxide which is a strong base that could burn worse than acid burns. it looks like clear liquid, kinda like water so some people/kids mistake it as water and drink it.  
> say hi to me on [tumblr](cole-lection.tumblr.com)


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